Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
 - jenn,
now
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Geno's Doggy Day Care Sucks
- GenoSucks53029,
Geno has ALWAYS Sucked!
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they don't want cocks serving them drinks!...they want pussy!!! the pussy should be serving them the drinks!
- Bitter Hustler bartender girly, after the lummox security guy stole her table. ,
08/09/2006
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America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.
- Hunter S. Thompson ,
before he died...
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Pffft. What is time to me? Time is an irrelevant measure of me not getting called back.
- Tarantula Bill,
4/7/06
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consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative
- oscar wilde,
now
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Mamma say mamma sah ma ma coo sah
- Margie,
1/31/2006
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If I had a fainting goat, I'd get a clapper so I could turn on the lights and make my goat faint at the same time.
- Joe,
11-26-05
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You gotta' understand...my ass doesn't smell like shit, it smells like a joyous wonder...
- Matt, on the transcendent wonder , *that is*, his ass,
07/28/2005
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I'll have Andy's Famous Bluecrab Crabcakes. And for her..a plate of gravy.
- chris,
ordering for candance at Hash House, 7/25/05
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I'm not crazy--yes, I am.
- julie,
7/26/05
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Trust No one...
- Anonymous,
Always
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Mayonaise is the perfect food! I'd eat myself if I were smothered in mayonaise.
- julie,
7/4/2005
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It's really just a bunch of rubbin' and hair flippin'.
- julie, on the finer points of stripping,
7/1/2005
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Man, now I feel like delivering some pizzas!!
- Bill,
Upon hearing Decypher by Velvet Acid Christ
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love starts with a smile
grows in with a kiss
and ends with a tear!!!!
- kelsie,
2005
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You break my heart, I'll break your neck.
- angela,
1/23/2005
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just 'cause im not wearing some, you know, tree-hugger shirt and don't smell like patchouli doesn't mean i that i don't want a frickin' bead!
- alexis on why no one would help her,
12-4-04
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You can figure out what paintball colors were used just by watching the dogs crap.
- Maddmaxx,
Paintball owners dogs ate paintballs.
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Nah. We're just here to get the cheap luau and submarine ride tickets.
- Maddmaxx,
To timeshare sales guy in Hawaii.
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The paintgun is firing just fine.
- Maddmaxx,
Paintgun test fired into my chest from 1 foot away
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monkey see, people do.
- punkitos,
manila
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Did you eat my toast? Wait, did I eat my toast? Who ate my toast?
- Angel,
Breakfast at BLB, 5-22-2004
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I think everything you said..is really nice.
- christine,
after an hour long walk-n-talk
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If I were gay I would totally want a guy who looked like Abraham Lincoln.
- Jeremy,
scavenging the skyways, 5/13/2004
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ok. why do i have one sock on backwards and the other inside out and one is green like olives and the other is striped like that fruity gum..do you like that?? wait, are these mine? can you stop on the corner so i can check my socks..and where's my pizza with fruit? why am i here again? i need a cigar to suck.
- jenn,
30th b-day to cabbie after , well, alot of stuff..
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It's like I know what 5 and 6 are I just can't think of it right now..
- Jaime to Christine, bowling,
03/11/2004
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i finally got a firm grip on reality.. now i can't strengle it
- tara,
jus livin life
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life is like a box of chocolates... u neva know what ur gonna get
- tara,
thinkin but chocolate
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i swear to drunk im not god
- tara,
when she is talkin to her friends
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Hi, John is yummy, can I have him?
- Stumbler Upon This Webpage,
02/12/2004
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I would only do it again if on a Mexico beach surrounded by beautiful women.
- matt,
to steve on new year's day
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I LOVE women that are built like men!!
- Matt,
Ghetto Center 12-11-03
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Never take comfort in the bosom of hooved animals.
- Jeremy,
11/18/2003
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HaVe A HeArT tHaT nEvEr hArDeNs,And A TeMpEr ThAt NeVeR TiReS,aNd A TOuCh tHaT nEvER hUrTs.
- ~MoNa~,
nov/12/2003
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~*god~*made~*mud~*god~*made~*dirt~*god~*made~*boyz~*girlz~*can~*FLIRT~***
- ~MoNa~,
nov/12/2003
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he is a swallow soaring as dark as the sun's absence in his sorrow...
- the wind,
some afternoon
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Maggie, on Bill's strategy to get a promotion and a large raise, "You are a very ambitious young man, Bill."
Bill, "Nah, I'm just sick of getting fucked."
- .,
10-14-03
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If thought is a bird caged by words then the poet is the hand which opens that cage and allows the flight of mind and spirit into the life of others...
- the sky,
sunrise
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I'm still interviewing other candidates, and I'd like you to get your face out of the lighter fluid.
- Tarantula Bill, to Cricket,
9.28.03
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cool
- frank jia,
09/22/03
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I'll strip your diaper down and bust your butt!!!
- Room # 326,
9/21/2003
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I think, with my first $200,000, I'm going to buy my mom an Orchid Mantis.
- Maggie, to Bill,
9/16/03
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taste my liquid moon-skin. detach your mind and swim thru my veins kissing the light behind my eyes....
- the rain ,
midnite
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"Well, I hope you FELT GOOD about what you did, because you're EJECTED!"
- Maddmaxx,
Kicking a very confrontational and pissed off play
|
She is one stone haerted, devil sprouted bitch.
- Room #326,
4:04 fucking AM!!!!
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I'm just not sure I'm the kind of guy who wants a house and a kid and 2.5 picket fences.
- Tarantula Bill, to Maggie,
5-25-03
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Just because I walk you out to your car every single time you head home doesn't mean that I'm chivalrous!!
- Tarantula Bill,
5-15-03
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Don't worry if I go down. I know nine ways to kill from the fetal position.
- Joe,
Somewhere in Afghanistan, 2002.
|
Chicks + guns + pig aliens = hot blazing pork.
- Maddmaxx,
From the Duke Nukem days.
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It's the batteries, they're the ones that gave me the overdose. If I had the right batteries I would be just fine.
- Room # 326,
4/2/2003
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"I feel my luck could change..."
- RADIOHEAD, "Lucky",
O.k. Computer
|
Good it's my tracking numbers for my lip balm. I thought I recognized that area code.
- Scott,
1-23-2003
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My eyebrows wiped off, and I didn't even touch them!
- Christine,
1/19/2003
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I want to see it against her body!
- Candance, on an MP3-player photo,
12/27/02
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"Those are bullets you dumb f___!"
- Case,
09/2002
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You know, dancing with my arms up in the air is so much fun!!
- Shelley Frost, to Maggie,
Shelley's housewarming party, 10.11.02
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So I was trying to help this guy out of a tough situation, and then he totally sixty-nined me!!! Oh my god! No, wait, I mean... I mean... I mean... I mean he totally eighty-_sixed_ me!!
- Maggie,
To Shelley, Regan and some blond guy at Schober's
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A human being is a computer's way of making another computer. Yes, we are their sex organs.
- Solomon Short, typed by Geno,
10-13-2002
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Beware of geeks bearing gifts
- Solomon Short,
10-13-2002
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Life never gets so bad that it can't get worse
- Solomon Short,
10-13-2002
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Oh man, you got that "I need to find myself speech". That sucks man, that really sucks. Is she sleeping with your best friend or something? That's what mine did.
- Geno,
Always man, Always!
|
Who do you think you are? PAT SAY JACK?!
- Danny, to a guy who told them to use milder language because women were present.,
10/10/02
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Really, He-Man was my moral compass as a kid.
- matt,
08/01/02
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I had a weird dream last night. I dreamed my hands were covered in massage oil and I needed to make a phone call, but my hands were too slippery. I think I was trying to call my mom. Am I fucked up?
- John,
9/30/02, upon waking
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Hey!! You guys don't have any jurisdiction over the sidewalk!!!
- Matt,,
to some Gay 90s bouncers who were shooing people o
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Skeletor's a Gayrod!
- Margie,
08/07/02
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The army needs you Matt.
- Sgt. Donavin,
August 6
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(Staring at the most beautiful women he's ever seen outside redno5 @ 4am, he looks away for a second to see if Dre has gotten his hot dog yet. Instantaneously he gets up the courage to walk over and talk to her and realizes she has disappeared into a taxicab. Dre finally hands V his hot dog. And V says staring at his hot dog)
But we have hot dogs at home.
- V,
7-20-2002
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Relationships always end badly or else they would never end.
- Geno,
2:30am on a Tuesday
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Fuck bein' happy.
- Mattman,
4th of July, mother fuckas
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Why don't you stop being a little bitch, so I won't have to knock your teeth in.
- Christine, to drunk dumbasses,
6/28/2002
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Imagine if you had two softballs stuck into your pecks. That's what it feels like.
- Christine, on breast implants,
6/5/2002
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My face is a backboard
- Regan,
Shorty's Winona; 06/02/02
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You're from Minneapolis...? I've never been to Canada before.
- Random Hollywood Chick to Brian in LA,
5/26/02
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Taco Bell said I could lay on you until the action figures come out tomorrow...
- Sleeping Matt to Christine,
5-17-2002
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Time to take these Sergeant's stripes for a spin...
- Ex-Cpl Steck,
15 Mar '02
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Women in relationships are like monkeys...they don't let go of the branch until they have a firm grip on the next one.
- Geno,
drunk with the guys a First Ave
|
Don't tell me what to do!!
- Mistress Gene to Matt,
Matt's B-Day
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A girl in a relationship is like a cat crossing a river over rocks. They don't lift the last paw until the next one is down and dry.
- Something Geno told Jeff....,
When we were drinking.
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I could be blacked out right now and I wouldn't know it. I could have absolutely no idea what I'm saying. Could you remember that for me?
- Matt,
Matt's B-Day
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Shit. Thank you MOMMY. THANK YOU MOMMY!!!
- Matt ,
Matt's B-Day
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Matt, are you sure you don't want to get chained standing up? She'll strip you down to your underwear and really go to town.
- Brian to Matt,
Matt's B-Day
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when we swim in seas of our subconscious there's no need for a lifejacket. (or a swimsuit for that matter)
- emily ,
now
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That's the problem with socialism... There's no fucking money it.
- David to Stephanie ,
09/19/01
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Why don't you provide me with an interface to your ass.
- anon,
08-30-01
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Gladtzak, you just caught your leg on fire.
- Corporal Steck,
Feb 00
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Right now, being an intellectual in 3rd Ranger Battalion is like being a Jew in Germany in 1937.
- SFC N.,
29 Aug 01
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never eat falafal in amsterdam
- jer to the kids on the porch,
friday the 13th
|
Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a pretty good life all the way.
- Jimmy Buffett ,
whenevah
|
Look, if we are going for a long walk we are taking that thing because we can take the universe over with it and make it back here after we are all done.
- Dave Regan,
12/31/99
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What the hell happened yesterday? I remember drinking those funny green drinks yesterday then everything got a little fuzzy after that. All I know is that I woke up and there were empty pizza boxes everywhere, cheese dip and chips on my carpet, and people sleeping all around me. Did I do anything stupid yesterday? (Oh, if he could only remember half of it)
- David S.,
3/18/2001 The morning after St Patrick's Day
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The Count:
Man, talk about a twisted personality! Talk about obsessive-compulsive disorder! Talk about the numbers one through twelve! You really couldn't get the Count into any long-term plots because he really only did one thing, but he certainly did it well. I think many children learned to count purely on the off chance that they could summon thunder and lightning by doing so. But I have one question. The Count looked like a vampire, right down to the fangs. And he had the bat thing going. Was he a vampire? Did he feed on living blood? Or, more likely given his Muppetness, living felt? A horrifying yet oddly appealing idea
- The voices in my head,
Every day
|
I'm just saying brown is brown
- patrick,
5/27/01
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Here's my curse: I tell girls exactly what they should expect. When that's what they get, they call me a fucking asshole and never talk to me again.
- John Putnam (screamed to David in a divey Chicago bar),
4.5.01
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in the end, all i care about is the meat.
- pregnant bekka,
3/20/01
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How do you know what a five-day-old corpse smells like?
- PonyLoaf to VBBigNelson,
3/29 5:04pm
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Once you get into mid-century French theorists, everything else falls to the wayside.
- Kathryn to David,
3/28
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There he goes, Mr. Roboto
- Cab driver refering do David at 8:00 am,
8/15/00
|
Better living through chemistry, just like Dow.
- stevie,
01/01/00
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It's scary over there. There's this house--that's not there anymore!
- Dawn Schrieber,
Spring 1996
|
I like this place. People are talking to me.
- Chris Wenger,
The Roxy, prague '00
|
All right, we're adding a new rule. So remember: No googling, no touching the animals, and absolutely no arch welding.
- David, (addressing the party w/ a lit aceteline torch),
springtime 1996
|
I hate to say this, but it does take all your problems way. Frozen grape?
- No Thumbs,
bliss party '99
|
...this is like the goonies. It's our world in here, out there it's thier world. Let's not get into that bucket...
- David Schober,
01/01/01
|
I just thought you might want to get picked up. Big guys like us, we never get picked up
- Gus, after liftng David four feet and dropping him at a night club,
?
|
It just occured to me, I've got absolutely no idea who you are
- stranger to David, after 20 minutes "catching up",
05/09/00
|
another, nother, nother, I'm in. How many nothers is that?
- stevie,
01/01/00
|
I think I just had another, nother. That's be another, nother, nother. yeah I'll have another, nother
- d,
01/01/00
|
Do you want another, nother?
- monsta,
01/01/00
|
What!!?? Revenge solves nothing? Wrong. It made me feel better, didn't it!?
- geno,
later
|
Just because it isn't a state doesn't mean we don't own it!
- geno,
always baby, always
|
Hey mon, I really like your sister!
- Jamaican Drive-by to Candance,
3/18/2001
|
I'll have to see if I can hook y'all up with Yanni mugs
- Mars Blackmon,
3/1/2001
|
He's a hail damaged Camaro, I'm a discounted Barbie doll ...
- Anna, Jo Paul's after, after, after bar,
3/11/2001
|
everytime i close my eyes, im in a broccoli forest
- Boo,
3-10-2001
|
Do it on its side and stick your finger in there.
- john lennartson,
3-10-2001
|
I'm not JUST saying,I'm just saying...
- K-Style,
03-10-01
|
your orange juice is raw,but it is not as good as the chx soup 1
- boo,
18
|
im so happy we are sober enough to remember this!
- Kitty,
2-3-01
|
is my weed under the couch?
- jr to the kids,,
2-3-01
|
oh, is that *my* beer?
- anna, the goddess, to jr. and diamond,
03-02-2001
|
Look at all those cute shoes! I can see them from here!
- blonde in mall,
2-20-2001
|
Don't put those on your face, I'm going to eat them!
- anna the goddess,
2-20-2001
|
Go-bots are like, welfare Transformers.
- matt,
2/16/2001
|
What's *wrong* with you?
- Anna Sterk,
1/16/2001
|
hat but...no donuts?
- Bone Collector,
1/29/2001
|
Blah, blah blah. Shut-up, Jordan!
- Case,
3/29/1996
|
Some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheesewhiz. Those who have tried will recieve much joy and peace, those who refrain will never know...
- Who,
1/29/2001
|
Always keep your laser handy...
- Case,
1/29/1995
|
That's the last thing thing I need, more fucked up toes...
- Matt on soccer,
01/23/2001
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